Party time

It's been a busy few days....Oscar's 1st birthday which has resulted in even more toys cluttering up the living room....(not that I'm not grateful for gifts).  So many pressies, so little space.  After all he's been given by friends and family...it's still back to the remote control, the repeated swinging of the puppy gate, and mummy and daddy's telephone for hours of fun and amusement.  I did say, at this age, he'd be easily pleased with just a cardboard box, but my wife was having none of it....."SCROOOOGE" came the response.

At the weekend, the arrival of his long-awaited and much planned party.  I think my wife went a bit overboard with the invitations, so if you're reading this and thinking to yourself...."I wasn't invited!"....count this as a blessing...for the levels of noise was deafening, and that was just the adults.  A local entertainer lady "Jo Jingles" did her thing, and a little circle was formed, out of mums and their little treasures.  All eyes and ears on Jo and the many songs with actions!  I was doing the manly thing of opting out and observing from afar chatting to my sisters and respective bro-in-laws I'd not seen in a while.  After three hours of unstoppable  fun, food and squash and handing out the party bags...you see...I am such a big kid....it was time to pile high my boot with all the many birthday pressies for Oscar.

"Oh no, I think I may have man-flu"  And sure enough, my Saturday night was spent watching the final of Strictly, feeling very sorry for myself, shivering and sweating alot.  Ola Jordan does have that effect on me!

Can he get even more social?

Had a nice meal recently with a couple of radio/voiceover pals of mine at my local Indian restaurant in town.  We entered nerd territory pretty quickly.  As soon as we sat down we started spouting about various playout systems/business world of voiceovers/recession and social networking etc etc.  You name it - it was all poured over, and that was before the poppadoms arrived!

I finally agreed, after much hesitation, that I should open a facebook account.  Only 4 years late!  I've always been reluctant, viewing it as a one dimensional "let's look at people's holiday snaps" site, but I see the benefits in business as well.  So you can follow me here.

My mate Natalie has a fancy phone, made from the fruit company (yes, that one) and we got onto the subject of my website.  After studying my web page on her phone, she passed on her erudite opinion that, in the words of many a teacher of mine in year's gone by...."could do better".  Constructive advice, so came away £25 lighter, but armed with new ideas, so early 2012, there WILL be changes.  Watch out.

Oscar's birthday is here.  One today.  Can't quite believe how time has flown.  After so many complications and monitoring of his progress from the moment he was born, he really has thrived and is a healthy strong, cheeky chap who everybody loves.

....So far, he's opened one present, a train which daddy loves, and Oscar's indifferent about...he still keeps going back to his well used toys.  His enjoyment of the big day seems to be somewhat suppressed by tiredness, so it's down to bed, and back up later to resume more pressie opening.  I suggested that I should give him a box, wrapping paper and cardboard for his birthday and Christmas, stating..."He's not gonna know any different at this age"...said "The Scrooge".

Do you love it or do you hate it?

Earlier this week, a cleanup operation was under way after a tanker carrying more than 20 tonnes of Marmite (other yeast extracts are available from all good supermarkets) overturned on the M1 in South Yorkshire closing the motorway for some time.

A spokeswoman for South Yorkshire police said the tanker, which was carrying 23.5 tonnes of Marmite, overturned after being involved in a collision with a caravan. 

Inevitably, jokes s-p-r-e-a-d thick and fast...

Radio 4's Today programme was bombarded with joke emails. The best, according to the presenters, read: "Was the Marmite crash on the yeast-bound carriageway?"

....Er no, it was on the M1.  M1 doesn't go east you idiot!!

Next....

Radio stations were inundated with comedy comments alongside the puns flooding Twitter.

@Queen_UK (Elizabeth Windsor): "One hates marmite".

Well said marm!  

Too much time to kill....

Am still on full-time Dad duties which brings it's benefits and it's hurdles.  

The obvious benefits being the bonding between father and son.  The hurdles - rancid nappies so peg over nose required and the daily coverage of certain children's programmes.  Oscar's always got the remote in his mouth so he has control.  Everyday is like groundhog day in the Clarke household.  He seems to like the intro and outro theme tunes to the programmes, but he's never actually bothered by the content.  Whenever he hears that familiar music from the likes of Mr Bloom's Nursery, Charlie & Lola, In the Night Garden etc etc....you get the picture...he starts waving at the telly.  He always loves to wave.

He's very routine when it comes to his sleep...without fail, he happily sleeps for about 2hrs in the afternoon which gives me the chance to tweet (far too much nonsense lately)/do voice-overs/or have a TV binge catch-up.

Here he is in his sleep attire....

"Who's a cheeky boy then'

On goes the heating and voice-over stuff

Well, reluctantly I found myself (with a gun held to my head from OH) puting the heating on for the first time this Autumn.  Only a smidgen though, hour in the morning, hour in the evening - watching the pennies.

A broadcaster friend of mine insists on wearing t-shirt and shorts for as long as possible each year, usually between the months of April and end of October, longer if he can stand the legs going blue.  Furthermore, the sandals (without socks) are well worn.

As you probably know from previous posts and profile, as well as freelance (whoever will have me disgrace their station airwaves) radio broadcaster, I'm a voice-over artist.  My technical set-up is simple, as is often the case when VOs have their own studio facilities.  Some go out into the damp shed to record their work, some  in the spare bedroom, some even in the downstairs loo - I would have thought this may not be the best idea for acoustics - what with all that ceramic!

I choose the option of a walk-in wardrobe, so I pull back the shirts, skirts and dresses (that's just my collection), and in goes the mic, with perfect soundproofing all around.  I then close the door behind me, and hey presto, I'm good to go.

Every year, and for the last two years in Hinkley in Leicestershire, there is a large voice-over get-together/drunken mess of egos selling their voice skills, gaining new contacts and mixing with some legends in the business, and last year I met some jolly nice, and down-to-earth voice artists like Natalie Cooper.  She's been in the business since God was a boy, and voices for....well...an abundance of radio and TV clients.  As well as juggling domestic harmony with work, she travels, and has recently returned from California where she was a guest presenter, spouting about all the goodness of being a voice-over artist and her experiences.
If you're a voice amateur or professional, live in or near Wiltshire, and would like a good old natter with like-minded voice nerds, then you can tweet me @Roger_Clarke, I'll add your name to the list, and we'll arrange a gathering with drinks and polishing halos!

Holidays. YIPPEE.

Just enjoyed a week's FREEEE holiday, courtesy of my parents at their place near Kingsbridge in South Devon.  They're on permanent holidays (retired), so I've been house-sitting.  They live in such a beautiful part of the country with a slipway and creek at the end of the garden, so it's an ever changing and spellbinding scenery.   My dog Ruby enjoyed some new places to sniff and squat!

My 2yr wedding anniversary passed by on a slightly less than romantic note.  We went to the pub for an evening meal during our stay away, and Oscar cried throughout!  I had to rush down my "big boys pie" as the landlord annoyingly described it - it's Steak & Kidney pie....so call it Steak & Kidney pie!!  Had hoped for a desert, but the noise levels by this time were so ear shattering, that we had to get the bill and leave quickly with red faces, to the relief and much sighing of the locals.  As we walked out, they gave us that look as if to say "Don't you dare darken these doors again"....."came here for a quiet pint, and it was ruined by you".

In summary:-  never take a small child or baby to a pub in the evening.  He/she is bound to be tired or hungry or both and that spells DISASTER.

My son experienced sand for the first time in his little life and you can imagine the scene.....
He's not quite crawling yet, although he seems to have mastered some kind of attempt at crawling backwards.  
So there we were on the beach, and before we knew it, he was picking up hand fulls of sand and examining it briefly before, yes, in it goes, and then....out it comes, along with a scream, wet sand and a lot of dribble.

Yawn yawn, holiday snaps to go on soon.

Nerd greatness

Another nerd night over with and a fun time had by all - much drinking, good food and good company.  This time in sleepy Salisbury.  Many of the radio nerds including Matthew Rudd and Martin Kelner had travelled a fair distance from one end of the country to another, so were equally sleepy, but were good company nonetheless.

Usually for nerd night, we attract about 15-20 radio greats from around the country, but as is often the case, a few drop out at the last minute due to cash flow problems, other commitments or it's hair washing night.  So a modest 9 turned up this time around - but I must say the right 9.  Alex Lester was in top form as usual regailing us with his life stories while standing up.  Always amuses me, as if he's teacher and he's making a point.  He also gave me good advice for advancing my career in radio.

"Want to get to the top in radio?  (while slurping on another pint) Be a TV presenter first".

"Ok then, I'll do that right away", I said.  "You make it sound so easy!"

Alex's metereological knowledge is quite extensive as well.  Exchanging stories of microlight flying - me being eternally jealous though - he has a PPL, I don't.  Nuff said.   Also you try saying the word "Metereological" after 5 pints of lager.   Slur slur.

Before I knew it, twas' kicking out time at 1.15am, and time to hit the cobbled streets.

What, no fashion sense.

At the weekend, I saw a friend of mine and sat in his garden during the brief moments of summer we're having.  In the privacy of his garden, I decided to take my top off and be like a typical British sun-worshipper....go red raw in the short space of an afternoon without any sun protection.  Not big and not clever.  

I would say though that my sense of fashion seems somewhat better than my mate.....there he was, also without top on, but shorts, bright white shiny trainers, and black socks!  That's a definite no no in my limited fashion knowledge.  You just don't wear black socks with white trainers, especially if you're wearing shorts.  Thank goodness for the private garden.  If I was walking down the street and he was wearing that 'combo', I'd have to politely cross the street, or deny knowing this fella.

My ego once again gets the better of me, and I'm attaching a professional looking photos of ME, sat in my studio at work, looking thoughtful for once, preparing to talk sh*te in between the tooones.  Photos were taken by a very adept photographer that is Dave Woollatt.  

Well, all booked up for the radio nerd night.  I've probably explained before, but myself and a bunch of radio nerds/geeks/anoraks meet up every two or three months at some random location around the UK, and discuss the world and his wife - also jingle packages and radio play-out systems if we're really honest.  Next stop....Salisbury.  Will report back after liver has recovered.

Off you go Son...

The time has come for that dreaded decision to put Oscar into his own room....Do we/don't we?.....is it too early?....maybe we should wait another couple of weeks?

Opinion differs on this subject.  Some would say, "Yeah, we put ....into his/her room within a couple of weeks, never did them any harm".  Others say "We decided six months is about the right time, so we tried it....he/she screamed endlessly and is now back in with us"....

Well, we must have a model baby.  Either that, or he was just ready to be in his own room, cos we tried it out last weekend, and he slept right through the night.  Same the following night etc etc.....think he likes the peace and quiet and not hearing Mummy snore loudly right next to him and all that talking she does in her sleep.  You'd think she does enough talking during waking hours!  I can blame her cos she's not here right now to defend herself!

To Swindon last weekend to visit a friend of mine, Ian, who's just bought himself a new house - four bedrooms with ensuite the lot, huge garden, conservatory....and it's just him living in the house.   Don't get me started.  It's got "a lot of potential"...said the estate agent, which in their language means "it's falling apart - avoid like the plague".

Seriously, it's a house with so much work needed.  I think the previous owners either ran out of money or just gave up fixing things, cos it's an absolute wreck but will look like a dream home I'm sure once it's restored to it's original beauty.  The kitchen needs to be ripped out and started again, and the wallpaper (brown and orange) dates back to 1980 when the house was built.  Makes you want to vomit, and if you did vomit on the walls, you probably wouldn't notice the stain.  I'm sure Ian will "throw his wealth" at the house and it'll look lovely before long.....(just jealous!)

Here's Oscar sat in his favourite armchair which looks a bit like a potty.  Notice him straining? Pop a vein.

Anyway, back to the box to watch Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon and listen to some more grunting?  Do you think she grunts in everything she does?

Archive photos

Back in February, a group of us radio nerds/geeks/anoraks travelled to York, one of the UK's most beautiful cities.  This was another venue for our nerd night.

Here are some old photos I forgot to upload earlier.

First one of a very swollen River Ouse....

York Minster, as viewed from the circular city wall....

...and Clifford's Tower.

Nerds and puree

Been an eventful month.

Start of May saw another radio gathering of nerds and geeks.  Manchester was the venue and a fun time was had by all.  Very often just the faithful few turn up to this bi-monthly meet-up, but this time around, there was a healthy turn out of nerds from all corners of the UK including the usual stalwarts Matthew Rudd, Alex Lester, Charles Nove and Simon Hurst.  A good Italian meal was followed by a quick walk in the pouring rain (remember - it's Manchester - it always rains) to the nearest pub for more booze.  The following day, we had the obligatory "all you can eat" full fat fry-up for £7.99 and still go back for more.

Friend of mine, Dave Woollatt took these fab photos of Manchester during our visit including Old Trafford ground from across the water at Salford Quays.

Here's Matt Barton giving me one of those "bear" hugs.  He nearly squeezed the life out of me.

On the baby front.....

Jo and I were given the green light by out mid-wife to start "weening" Oscar - so now's the time to laminate everything or cover everything in plastic sheeting to protect against the spray.

Basically we now puree fruit and veg to within an inch of it's life.  So far Oscar seems to be loving his food, he'll eat anything - sure it won't be long before he starts to become fussy.   Some weird food combinations are in his feed like......spinach, apple & swede and sweet potato, broccoli and carrot.  The "spinach combo" looks like something the dog deposited, but pureed version.  We try not to turn our noses up in disgust.  Whatever the appearance and taste, we just aim the spoon in his direction and "yuuuuum, this is luvvvvvly Oscar", "you'll like this one"   (churn goes the stomach!)

Couldn't resist showing you this cheeky one of Oscar doing his best Les Dawson impression....

BBQ season is upon us

Firstly, my years of saving has finally paid off.  Picked up the shiny new car recently. Without advertising the make and model - it's the car that was a great source of much derision back in the 80's, but blimey, this car has come on leaps and bounds since.  The boot space is amazingly huge, and thank goodness I don't need to remove the parcel shelf every time I want to squeeze the pram into the back...like I had to in my old rust bucket.  It's also got gadgets!  Most of which I probably won't need or use.  The owner's manual resembles "war and peace".  When I've got far too much time on my hands, which isn't much recently - maybe in between baby feeds...I'll pour over what I can find on lighting and instruments!  The excitement is almost too much to bear!

On the subject of cars, maybe I'm being paranoid but I'm just waiting for some idiot to bash into my car - maybe I should design some bubble wrap to neatly cover the whole car, while still being able to drive - sounds like an idea for Dragon's Den...to be scoffed at.  Some t**t decided to thrust open their passenger door into my driver's side the other day while I was in the car waiting for "the wife"....I was seething and nearly had a "Victor Meldrew" moment. Anger management required.

Went to Swindon last weekend for a family bbq which was stressful, not because of present company but Oscar screamed and screamed and rarely stopped for a breath.  When he did go quiet, it was time to shove some meat down my neck as fast as possible until he woke for another screaming session.  Thank goodness for handy sisters to share the pain and take it in turn to wind Oscar.

Today, we had a health visitor round to the house, who discussed "weening".  Is that how you spell it?  Oscar is now at the age when he can "go solid" in more ways than one.  If he's anything like me, he'll love his food and it won't even touch the sides when it goes down. Let's just hope it stays down....

Here are some photos of a Royal Wedding flavour......Family came round for salty snacks and sugary treats.  Course the burning question is...."What DID Harry say to his bruv?".....We all came to the conclusion......"I got in there first".

The Clarke clan....

Escape to the pub...

....Sounds like a new idea for daytime tv?!  Maybe I could suggest it in the new tv scheduling.

Recently my kind-hearted parents-in-law took on the parenting, nappy changing, winding, mopping up sick duties, while me and Jo headed off into town with mates, drank beer, ate curry and were all ears to a music gig fronted by a talented mate, Rob Crisp, who's plays in a couple of bands as drummer (and what a drummer he is).  He plays all over the south of England, and Salisbury was the venue this time around with his tribute band.  All genres of music with stuff from childhood and the present day resounding around the pub.  It was quite late when we arrived, as we had spent so much time in the pub pouring over radio, radio and more radio conversation.  This bores my wife senseless, and she kindly suggested that we keep radio talk exclusively to the nerd nights and nowhere else......yawn yawn.  When we moved on from the curry house to the pub, the atmosphere was already electric and buzzing to the sound of the throbbing band.  I noticed that practically everybody in the pub, young and old were drunk!  A great end to the night.

One sting in the tail was that our first night off from Oscar duties, was blighted by the clocks going forward an hour, so by the time we rolled in to bed after much curry and booze, and having to be up at a decent hour to collect Oscar, we'd had no extra sleep.  DOH!

On Mother's Day, the entire Clarke household got together in Swindon for nosh.  This is my nephew Josh, holding Oscar, with dummy plugged in for noise reduction purposes.

Here he is again, balling his eyes out, but surrounded by his girlfriends at another "New mums meet-up".  Basically an opportunity for them to slate their useless husbands while gorging on cake and other sugary treats.  Five babies all crying at once in one room sounds like my idea of torture.  Keep well away.

My lasting memory of Mother's Day was my Dad.  He was wearing an ill-fitting new(ish) fleece he picked up from a shop that he claims wasn't from a charity shop.  The fleece was a medium and my Dad isn't.  Think new wardrobe is in order.

More baby news...

Little Oscar's been weighed again - could be contender for heavyweight champ.  He's been on another growth spurt/feeding frenzy - mainly at night time, when Mum & Dad are still trying to get some shut-eye.  See ever growing bags under dark eyes.  He's now a healthy 11Ib 5oz, although subject to change very quickly due to the amount he guzzles.

He's now reached another milestone - I think he's actually now smiling and not just because he has awful wind.  Last week he did the most spectacular poo (this is the main topic of conversation these days as a new parent - comparing poos!).  It had spread so far and wide around his body, we had to cut his vest of and destroy it.  The stench......dizzzzgusting!!
That Chicken Tikka Masala is now not quite so appealing.

Friend of mine said recently...his face is now the shape of a full moon....not sure if that's a compliment.  Suggestion of "right porker" me thinks.  I retorted....your face has the completion of the moon...all pitted with craters....he's got broad shoulders!

While you're on my blog, check out my voice-over website.....for all your voice-over needs go to www.smooth-voiceover.co.uk.

Family knighthood

At the weekend I had a welcome visit from my sister, brother-in-law and two nephews.  They turned up with cake in hand, which was devoured within minutes of their arrival, washed down with tea.  My 7yr old nephew Dan was most excited as he hadn't met little Oscar before, and the last time we had a visit from the family, he was unable to come due to a cold.  He decided to throw a tantrum as he was missing out last time.

Oscar was passed quite happily from one family member to another, each enjoying a cuddle until my other nephew, Josh, announced he could smell something horrid and has a warm feeling on his leg.  I think he was still holding Oscar at the time.  The red "pop a vein in the forehead" expression on his face was an instant give away on my son's face.

Dan was telling me about the occasion recently when he was accidentally knighted at school to become sports captain.  A strange ritual that I'm sure I didn't go through in the 80's, but then I was never a very "sporty" child.  I was always stuck in goal, as I was useless on the pitch.  Those cold winter days, I'd wait  for what would seem like an eternity for the ball to come in my direction, and then with my arms outstretched and shivering, I'd try in vain to catch the ball.  Then I was cursed by my team for being useless.  I was always better at softy sports like tennis and running.

Anyway I digress, back to Dan's knighthood.....

He told us all at the weekend, much to our amusement, he was recently given a "knighthood by accident" at school.  The question by the headmaster was posed "Who would like to volunteer to become sports captain, and in recognition of this, receive a knighthood?"  At the timely moment, Dan had an itch and scratched his head, and all of a sudden...he was knighted!

Here's Josh and Dan enjoying a moment with their sleepy cousin.

Babies, boys and their toys and bills

As a proud new parent to little Oscar, the bags under my now dark eyes are quite well developed.  Bags large enough to cater for the England Cricket team.  My wife and I are enjoying being new parents....on the whole!  

Whenever we have a conversation with anyone and everyone about babies, and tell them about our new born, the common question is "Is he sleeping through the night yet?".....and the common answer we give is "No, but I'm sure we'll get there"....What we need, when someone asks that age-old predictable question, is a button or a lever on our body which we just press for the appropriate response.

On the subject of sleep deprivation, Oscar still hasn't grasped the notion of being more awake during the day and sleeping at night.  Although we have to constantly remind ourselves that we can't expect too much from Oscar as he did arrive seven weeks early and is still new-born.  No new-born sleeps all through the night...unless they've been sedated!  

My radio shows over the last few weeks have been aided by plenty of coffee and food to keep me alert and awake.  I make a concerted effort to talk more in between the songs, otherwise, I'll nod off.  

Cars....

Now that our family circumstances have changed, for an absolute age, I have been promising my wife, I'll invest in a new car.  It's time to say goodbye to my "motorised shopping trolley" that has taken me the equivalent distance of halfway to the moon!  It's served me well but after thumbing through countless glossy car mags I decided to "go hunting"......I drove to Oxford to test drive a new car, the one that back in the 80s was much ridiculed and mocked for being an appalling car and an embarrassment!  It's now got a fine reputation and after a must-have VAT free deal plus a couple of extras, I signed on the dotted line.   My wallet opened for the first time in a while. Moths appeared and am still feeling shaky and light-headed from the whole ordeal.

I'm sure I'll keep it until I've clocked up another equivalent trip to the moon.

Bills.....

As if the pain of parting with cash for a new car hasn't hurt enough, I've now been reminded of an outstanding tax bill due now.  Time for a lie down.  

One of my favourite photos at the moment.....

Back home with a little addition

I've been a little lapse in updating the blog as often I would normally for this reason:-

The three weeks have been somewhat hectic in the Clarke world.   On Monday 14 December, little baby Oscar arrived in to our lives, seven weeks early.  A huge surprise, but a very pleasant surprise just in time for Christmas.  He obviously wanted to be the centre of attention.  The Sunday afternoon before we were having  lunch with the in-laws and Jo was starting to complain of cramps (nothing to do with my sub-standard cooking). The pain became worse and before long she was doubled up on the sofa.  Jo's mum said "couple of paracetamols should sort you out".   They didn't.  "I'M IN LABOUR, GET ME TO HOSPITAL QUICK",  came the desperate cry.  I had already had a "skinful" by the that stage and having sunk a whole bottle of red to myself, was in no fit state to drive.  So father in law drove like the clappers to hospital.

Throughout the seemingly long and painful labour process (12 hours in all), I sat by Jo's bedside saying all the right things that fathers-to-be are supposed to say.

"You're doing well"....."Keep pushing, we're nearly there"...."Go on Jo, you're doing great".

Jo in response looked at me with disdain, adding "You stink of stale booze!"....and she was right.  I was fully aware of the stale wine aroma wafting across the theatre room every time I spoke.  I'm convinced I had looks of disapproval from the mid-wives....They probably thought "What a great start to a son's life....an irresponsible alcoholic father!"

Finally after much pouring of sweat and tears, Oscar arrived at 4.32am on the Monday weighing in at a tiny 4lbs 13oz.

Since that day, mother and baby had to stay in hospital for monitoring as he was so premature.  He was all wired up, and being fed through tubes down his nose.  The menu that Jo was subjected to at the hospital was probably the same as every other NHS hospital in the UK - predictable and tasteless.  "Let's play a game of find the meat"....

...Here are some cute photos of newborn Oscar....